Queer: Loving Is a Sin

IO

I am the sinner, but you are not my sin. You are the salvation that I never should have coveted.

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Queer people face, on the daily, harmful constructs such as heteronormativity, cisnormativity, allonormativity, and amatonormativity—from society, religion, family, and the self as instilled by the former three.

Heteronormativity is a societal belief that everyone is or should be heterosexual. This is a malicious attitude, affecting people of different sexualities other than heterosexuality. It is also closely tied to homophobia, which is the negative feelings such as fear, hatred, or disgust towards homosexual individuals or other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Cisnormativity, favoring the cisgenders and harming those who are not, is another attitude imposed by society, similar to heteronormativity. This is related to the gender binary, which is the belief that there are two absolute genders, a man and a woman, adhering to the assigned sex at birth, which is male and female, as well as societal expectations and stereotypes on said genders.

Allonormativity—the assumption that everyone experiences sexual attraction–and amatonormativity—the former’s counterpart in the romantic aspect—are two sides of the same coin. Its negative impact is on individuals within the asexual and aromantic spectra, respectively.

These social constructs enforce a mentality in the affected individuals that causes them to internally reject their own identity because it dictates what is normal and what is not.

It has been a widely recognized experience to be labelled a “sinner” simply because of identifying under the LGBTQIA+ community. Simply because of love. Loving someone of the same sex, loving one’s true self, or loving in a way that deviates from the norm.

But bearing this “sin” is one-sided. At least the sinner would believe so. Their affections may or may not be requited, but the sin is theirs and only theirs nonetheless.

But why does it have to be this way in the first place? The sin that is loving someone of the same sex or that of identifying as anything other than the sex they were born with leaves a bad taste in the mouths of people who use the word of God to be self-righteous and as an excuse to harm other people whose beliefs and practices are different from their own.

Religion plays a significant role in deeming these people to be grave sinners. But what sets them apart from all the others? Aren’t we all sinners? Alas, at the end of the day, the notion that queer people are especially deplorable wins.

At a smaller scale, the home where we belong first and foremost can also be the first place to reject them. It’s a cruel reality for most. And the family would argue that the very foundation of this rejection is their love. It’s ironic. If love is all there is, then why must we deny the love that comes into existence from this sin we are so scared of?

It’s no surprise that some queer people would be fully convinced that they are a sinner. That their love is impure. That an acceptable love is completely out of reach. After all, it is what their upbringing, the environment they’re in, and the society they belong to have led them to believe. And love, oh the ever-freeing love—one that is wrong in the eyes of so many—is the one thing that would redeem them and the one thing they can never truly have.

Indeed, the sinner bears the sin alone. Moreover, it absolves the object of their affections of any means to be seen as the reason that they have sinned. Instead, it is believed that this person is something they don’t deserve, as salvation is for a sinner, and puts them on a pedestal.

As it turns out, we live in this broken world where the worst sinners are those who choose to love. To love someone of the same sex, to love one’s true self, to love in a way that deviates from the norm. It is due to this twisted way of thinking that there is fear in love. That too much of it has been denied the chance to exist. That love, as a right, has been diminished into something only attainable for people who condemn the ones being painted as sinners.

Perhaps in a more forgiving world where we don’t find fault in imperfections and loving is not a privilege, there would be a lot fewer sinners and a lot more space for love of all kinds to exist.